The Cullen Teens' Addiction
by Fanfictionally
Summary: Esme and Carlisle decide the 'teens' have had enough fun with their mate, and try to get them to do it less. Will it work or fail, especially with Emmett being involved? If you like Jasper and Alice stories, this one is mostly focused around them. ALL VAMPIRE, BUT NO NESSIE. Also, exreme awkwardness!
1. The Beginning

**Since you people seem to like the awkward things like me, I'm doing a NEW story. And yes, if there is a main couple in this, it'll probably be Jasper and Alice.**

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**Alice's POV**

All of us took a sick day for school. The sun wasn't out, we just wanted to have a little fun, if you know what I mean. Apparently Esmé and Carlisle weren't too fond of the idea, because they called us down not even ten minutes after we'd begun. We were all with our mates, of course, defiantly not all together! I could practically hear all the disappointed thoughts. Poor Edward.

After we got our clothes back on, the Cullen clan gathered in the living room.

Esmé began the conversation. "I'm very disappointed."

"So are we." Emmett said.

"I _meant_, even if you don't need to go to school, you shouldn't just ditch so you can go off and have sex! I understand that you're married, but that doesn't mean other people aren't around. Carlisle and I have been very patient with all of you, and put up with your 'sounds.'" I laughed. It was kind of funny how she put it. "What's so funny, Ms. Cullen?" She said sternly.

"What?" Rose, Bella, and I all said, snapping to attention.

"I meant Alice. Rosalie, you don't even go by Cullen!"

"Well, I'm with Emmett, so I think I should." She said harshly.

"In that case, I'm a Hale." I responded, crossing my arms at Esmé.

"Alice, go die in a hole!" Edward said.

I turned to him. "Don't get your thongs in a twist, Eddie." I walked in between Edward and Bella, putting my arms around their shoulders as I turned to the direction they were facing. "Hey, Bella, remember when Edward took you on a walk in the forest, and then told you he was leaving you for, like, ever? And then you fell to the ground and didn't move until Sam carried you out? And then you _almost_ went the smart way and dated the dog? Oh, yeah, and when he refused to bite you because he was afraid of commitment and sex, especially with you?"

I turned focusing my attention on Edward. "And remember when you lied to Bella about being a virgin? Yeah, remember Tanya? How about Linda? Oh yeah, you wouldn't know about Linda, because you killed her! May I add, right after you had sex with her? And if I remember correctly, she was totally against it, especially because she was a _lesbian_! Oh, and 'No, Bella, I have never had feelings for Alice?' Yeah, I still remember when you hit on me behind Jasper's back. Too bad pistols don't kill!" I practically screamed the last part.

Bella had her mouth hanging open at every word I had just said, and everything I shared with her about Edward's life before he met her. Jasper was about to pull me away from them, but froze after hearing about Edward hitting on me. He pulled me out of his way and lashed out at Edward, probably leaving a few scars. Carlisle pried them apart, commanding me to hold onto Jasper.

I giggled at that. It sounded kind of wrong! Esmé gave me a death stare, and I held my hands up in the air for surrender Carlisle said, telling me to hang onto Jasper's arm.

"Right." I held his hand, rubbing his arm with my other hand.

"As I was saying," Esme continued, clearly annoyed. "Is that you need to focus less on sex! If Edward wasn't as bad and didn't have Bella, I'd say I felt bad for him." His mind, right. I made sure to annoy him with a detailed vision of my past week. I hadn't done much without Jasper.

"Alice is having inappropriate thoughts to annoy me!" Edward tattled on me like a five-year-old. I rolled my eyes.

"Like you don't deserve it!"

Esme gave me a particularly harsh look. "Alice, you need to take this seriously. If not, you'll have to go to your room."

"Well, what am I going to do in my room? Hmm, Jasper might misbehave, too. Maybe I'll have to punish him in there." I said, dirtier than usual, winking at him.

Esme sighed. "Remember, you forced me to do this." I didn't have enough time to look into the future to see what she was talking about. She pulled out a big plastic bag full of at least one hundred condoms. "Explain _this_." I looked inside, and, sure enough, were the hundreds of blood-flavored condoms I'd gotten from a secret vampire sex store.

"Blood-flavored condoms?" Bella asked, reading the package. "You _do_ know vampires don't need condoms if the girl is a vampire, right?" I nodded, embarrassed. It must have dawned on her that condoms aren't originally meant for taste, and vampire really _don't_ need condoms, because she opened her mouth and slapped her hand over it, eyes widened. I put my hand up against my top lip, turning my head into Jasper's sleeve. Emmett laughed. Good thing I wasn't able to blush.

"Mind if I take a few?" Em joked.

"Sure, for five bucks." Emmett took a handful, probably about 16, and handed over eighty bucks. I tucked it into my pocket casually. I looked at Esme. "I think you know what these are for. Do you really want me to explain it?"

"Um, no." I shrugged.

"Okay."

"_Anyways, _Carlisle and I have decided on something. We'll have a sex talk. Yes, another one! Until then, no one has sex." I looked into the future for the sex talk.

"Esme, you may want to explain that more, or you'll turn to find Emmett and Rosalie naked during your little lecture."

"Okay, no sex for a month. I can change that. Make it longer or make it shorter, that's your decision. The better you behave, the sooner you can have your little fun again."

"Haha, make it longer or shorter..." I laughed, my voice fading out at the end due to the harsh look I was getting from both Esme and Carlisle once again. "Sorry..." I raised my hand.

"Yes, Alice?"

"Can we make love?"

"No!"

"Can we at least see each other naked?"

"...Um, no. None of you have any self-control!"

"Can we kiss?" I asked.

"Yes." Finally! "But nothing more."

Carlisle nodded. "And if you disobey, your time will increase by a week at least, no matter what." Harsh. We all agreed, knowing it was no use trying to get out of it. We might have gotten a longer time. We headed back to our rooms, bored out of our minds. I ended up going through my closet again, and Jasper just looked out the window. We ended up reading fanfiction on my laptop. There was a particularily odd one with lemon in it. Our names were the ones the people having sex had, and I couldn't help but wonder if we had a stalker. I'm sure it was nothing, but it got really hard to control ourselves, especially since our names were in it. Then we read a fanfiction just like what happened to us called "The Cullen Teens' Addiction." Now I really was worried we had a stalker! It seemed to describe our recent situation perfectly, and it even had my exact thoughts! Now I really _was_ creeped out...

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**Alice and Jasper reading my fanfiction? Sweet! Lol. That would be awkward. I decided to just put in bit of Alice's reaction there. How was it? Ideas or comments? Thanks! One of my longest chapters yet!**


	2. Alice Walks Out

**Alice's POV**

So far everyone had kept their promise and hadn't slipped. That surprised me, especially with Emmett and Rosalie. Once, I suggested Jasper throw out waves of lust at them, because it would be funny to see Carlisle and Esmé yell at them. But that plan backfired. It turns out Jasper can't control who he sends emotions to, so I almost slipped. They were barely affected by it!

Tonight was our little talk, and I could feel the dread radiating off every body as we gathered downstairs. Esmé had gone way overboard and put in a projector which was going to play a Powerpoint. "Alright, everyone, sit down." We took our seats at the desks she set up. The girls were on one side, and the guys were on the other.

She stood at the wall where she had also set up a whiteboard. "Now I'm going to give each gender a laptop, and you will watch a video." She handed us a laptop and three sets of earphones. Rosalie hooked them in and turned the volume all the way up.

"Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?" I asked. They nodded suspiciously. I went onto wi-fi and we started watching Chad Wild Clay. We laughed, and Esmé thought we were just laughing at the video we were supposed to be watching. Edward must have hinted her off, because she told us to pull out the headphones. We did, not having time to turn the volume down before Condom Star started playing.

"What are you listening to?" Esmé asked, scolding us with her eyes.

"Um... Chad?" I asked hopefully.

"Condom Star?! Really, Alice? It turns out you're worse than any of them."

The song was catchy and there was an awkward silence, so I started singing along.

"Chum soup can buoy. Gee my door can donut your jaw  
He tear that shit put me on moon brought the Marty poon in your jaw  
Karaoke man went mad. I know she bought a yacht on Yoga  
good on gum guck jogging Yoga.

"Not a sauna air  
Chums and a boy he G-man Norton known as sauna air  
that guy blaming what and John me shoveling the sauna air  
girl, you pull that sass on me. Ol' tom boy told my sauna air  
cool on sauna air."

Esmé cut me off. "Alice! Shut up!"

"Sorry," I whispered quietly. I took my lipstick out and applied more while we watched the video. I got bored quickly and got a bit carried away. By the end of the video, I had successfully drawn bloody vampire fangs on myself. When the guys finished up with theirs, I looked at Jasper. Since no one here wasn't a vampire, I decided to just go with him.

I put my hands out like claws and bared my teeth. "I vant to drink your blood!" I said in a fake Romanian accent. He laughed like I was retarded... which I was.

"I have no blood!" He held his hands up in surrender.

"Okay, Alice, for that, you get two days more on your time."

"But Esme, you're being unreasonable! This is something natural! Besides, Jasper and I can leave any time we want and have sex!"

"For that, another week! Would you like to make that a month, missy?"

"Esme, fuck off. Get out of my life. I'm not a child, I can make my own decisions. Come on, Jasper." I looked over at him as I walked over and opened the door. He wasn't budging.

"Alice..." Was all he said. I knew he wouldn't leave with me again. He thought we'd never come back. Maybe he was waiting for the day that Edward and Bella broke up so he could move on to her. I didn't know, but I couldn't care anymore. I pushed all my emotions away and turned to walk out the door.

"Bye." I whispered softly, knowing he could hear me. I closed the door behind me, then sprinted into the woods.

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**It was a pretty short/sad chapter there at the end. Promise it'll get funny again... or back to normal. I'll try to upload soon.**


	3. The Contest Begins

**Don't worry about the last chapter. Jasper doesn't like Bella in that way, it was just Alice being insecure. Pinky promise! This story WILL get funnier now, another pinky promise. Also, today I tried the cinnamon challenge... I might put in a truth or dare thing. It's hard to find one with Jalice as the main couple. I figured that one out pretty quickly.**

**Jasper's POV.**

I couldn't feel Alice's emotions as she walked out the door. It was as if her heart had given up and finally turned completely to stone. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with her, I was just shocked. I ran after her, chasing her through the woods. She finally stopped in California, and she was fucking lucky it was cloudy and rainy! I saw her duck into a bar and I went in with her. I spaced us out, as she still probably wasn't aware of my presence, even though her hearing was amazing.

She sat on the high stool, and I couldn't help but remember the first time we had met. I just hoped she wasn't giving up on me. I heard her talk to another guy, but I could barely make out what he was saying. It really looked like he was flirting with her! I headed over there, slightly embarrassed, but needing to claim my woman.

"Hey, Al..." I said, smiling shyly down at her.

"Jasper? What are you doing here?" The shock was highly visible, and it was like I could see her heart warming again, her emotions returning.

"You thought I was going to let you go? You thought wrong." I leaned down and pecked her lips. She smiled.

"Jasper, this is Aaron. Aaron, Jasper."

"Hey." He stuck out his right hand. I shook it politely.

"Hi."

Alice could sense the fact that I thought he was flirting with her. "Er, Jazz... He's gay." She whispered so that only vampire ears could pick it up, her lips barely moving. I grinned satisfactorily to myself.

We politely excused ourselves, finishing up the conversation and stepping outside. "Do you want to go back?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I'll have to eventually. I left my credit cards and clothes there."

"And your blood-flavored condoms..."

"And your surprise."

"Huh?" She laughed.

"Well, since you won't be seeing it for a while, let's just say I have my own little army uniform." I nearly stopped dead in my tracks.

"Wh- what?" I studdered, making her laugh harder.

"You'll see." She promised, kissing my cheek. I got a bit annoyed.

"But you always say that!"

She smiled and dropped the subject. We ran in silence back to the house. As soon as we walked through the door, Esme practically tackled Alice in a hug. "Alice! I was so worried! I'm sorry, I really am, but I just..."

Alice patted her back. "Ezzy, it's okay. I just... got mad." I dismissed myself from their little reunion and went to talk to Edward upstairs.

He followed me up and went into Alice's and my room. "So, um, where is Alice's uniform?" I had to know.

He lead me into the closet and to the very back, pointing to a hanger. "This is my sister we're talking about, so I'll just leave." I looked at the hanger and pulled the outfit off. I wasn't even sure it would be qualified to be an outfit. There was an army design on the bra, and matching panties. A bunch of string hung around it, like it was torn. I would never look at Alice the same way. I mentally thanked Edward and appoligized for the thoughts I was about to have of Alice. I felt his mood go to 'grossed out.'

I put it back and went downstairs. We got the added weeks taken off, but there was still another month to go. Esme and Carlisle decided to do an old-school lesson with everyone. I sat next to Alice.

"Alright, we will attempt this once more. You see, when a man and a woman love each other a lot-" Esme began.

"Unless they're a hooker or just a plain old slut!" Emmett added enthusiastically.

"_Anyways_, they do this thing called sex. I know you think you know everything there is to sex, but there is more."

Emmett stood up. "I know about just plain, boring sex, sex toys, whips, foreplay, dildos,-"

"Emmett!" Carlisle yelled.

"Sorry."

"As I was saying," Esme began again. "Sex is a magical thing that should be charished. I mean, it's not something people are supposed to do every day. I know you have a few weaknesses like Edward. Edward can read minds, so whenever someone has a sexual thought, he's affected."

She looked at me. "And Jasper. You can sense people's moods. I think you have the greatest weekness, especially around Emmett. But you also have an advantage. If this were a contest to see who would crack first, you can just make them feel lust."

She looked back at no one in general. "But it's not a contest... yet. We understand that you feel young, but we would like you to lay off a bit on the sex. Carlisle and I agreed that the couple that can go the longest without having sex will get their very own house! And yes, Edward and Bella, you don't qualify."

Carlisle joined the conversation. "But if you two do win, you can go to Isle Esme."

Edward did a fist pump, something I was sure I had never seen him do before.

"When is this contest over?" Alice asked.

"I was thinking a week before Christmas, so you can move everything in by Christmas. It will be close to here, maybe five miles away."

"So, the contest is only for a week?" I asked.

"Yes. I decided I was being a bit harsh trying to seperate you for a month. It's my Christmas present to you."

"Question. Can we masterbate?" That was definantly something I never thought I would hear Alice say.

"As long as you don't use Jasper's cock."

Alice sat there, identical to me, open-mouthed.

"Y-y-y-yo-yo-y..." Alice tried. "You said... _cock_! Esme! And the first time you say it in front of me, you talk about my husband's?! Of all the nerve..."

If I were human, I would have been impossibly red. It'll take a while for me to live this one down.


	4. IThe First Night of Isle Esme

**Jasper's POV**

The next day, I picked Alice and Emmett up for school. Alice looked like she had something on her mind. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Can I ask you a favor?" I nodded. "Well, Emmett and I haven't found jobs yet, so we were wondering if we sold our car, would you give us a ride? We'd help with the gas cost."

"Of course. But I can pay for it on my own."

"Are you sure?" Alice looked at me.

"Yep." I took her hand from her lap and held it. We arrived at school minutes later, and I lead her to our first class. I'd pulled a few strings and made sure we had all of our classes together. First was Science, and today we had to read our essays out loud on our results with the lab rats we took home a few weeks ago. Alice volunteered to go first.

She stood up and faced the class. "Well, lab rats are an interesting subject. But what's even more interesting is Edward. How, you ask? Well, he is incredibly easy to annoy.


End file.
